Two Morons and a Cool World
by Alexandra Spears
WARNING: If you REALLY hate Beavis and Butt-head, turn back and miss a really funny story!
Beavis and Butt-head sat on the couch in front of the TV set, as usual, picking their noses and scratching themselves. The show they were watching was going off, and they didn't want to watch the news, so they decided to go outside for a while and watch the meter on the side of the house.
"Hey, Beavis. Like...watching the meter gets boring after a while, huh huh," said Butt-head.
"No way, Butt-head. I like watching that thing spinning...and I get all dizzy...and I wanna PUKE...and...and...." Beavis was getting hyper again.
Butt-head smacked him. "Shut up, butt-monkey. Let's walk down the street."
Beavis laughed his crazy, high-pitched laugh as the duo headed for the local garbage dump. Maybe they could find something there to entertain themselves with.
As they approached the dump, a yellow disk of light suddenly appeared. The two morons stared with awe. "Whoa...this is cool," said Butt-head.
"Go into the light," laughed Beavis, imitating the phrase he'd heard in a movie, probably Poltergeist.
Butt-head shoved Beavis into the strange light and followed him. Behind them, the light disappeared. The boys found themselves in a strange place that had pastel-colored trees. "Beavis--this rules more than anything that has ruled before," Butt-head declared.
"Whoa--did we, like, take any drugs or something?" said Beavis.
Butt-head wasn't paying any attention. Beavis smacked him. "Butt-head!"
"Shut up, dillweed. Check out that chick over there!"
The two boys looked. A young woman and a horse were at a nearby stream. The woman was a blonde, and she wore a red bodysuit over a white top, and her legs were bare. Beavis and Butt-head were laughing, imagining bagging this chick. Suddenly, the young woman looked in their direction. "Who are you?" she asked.
"Beavis, I think I'm in love," Butt-head muttered. He then said aloud, "I'm Butt-head, and this dumb-ass here is Beavis. I'm the right one for you, bebbe."
"My name is Adora," said the woman. "And I'm flattered, but right now I already have a boyfriend. Sea Hawk."
The two idiots looked at each other. "Are there any other chicks around here?" asked Beavis. Chicks' boyfriends had a tendency to want to beat up anyone who flirted with their girls. Beavis was playing it safe this time.
Just then, a man with the same hair and eyes as Adora came up. "That Sea Hawk?" asked Beavis.
"This is my twin brother, Adam," said Adora. "Adam, this is Beavis and Butt-head." She frowned a little bit at the names.
"I thought that was Sea Hawk. Incest is the best, huh huh," said Butt-head.
Adam and Adora looked at each other. "I don't think you fellas understand," Adam said carefully. "Sea Hawk is a pirate captain. I'm not Sea Hawk. I'm Prince Adam and this is Princess Adora."
"Better looking than Princess Di. I heard she was going celebrate," said Beavis.
"That's celibate, dumb-ass. She doesn't want any," Butt-head snapped, shoving him.
"Why don't you want any, Adora? I'm pretty good," said Beavis.
"If you'll excuse us," said Adora, as she, Adam, and the horse walked into the woods.
"Whoa, they're gonna do it!" said Butt-head. The duo tried to enter the woods, but the trees kept blocking them.
"Hey, Butt-head, heh heh heh, these trees, like, don't want us to see!"
"Trees are stupid. Let's go see what else is here," said Butt-head.
Beavis and Butt-head began roaming around. Those stupid trees wouldn't let them in, and now they couldn't watch the twins doing it. So they were pretty miffed.
Suddenly, they saw a bunch of robots. "Hey, Beavis--check out those dudes," said Butt-head. "Looks like they were dropped on their heads or something, huh huh huh."
Beavis giggled. "No-necks! Heeheehee. And look at the pictures of the bats on them. Maybe they're like, in a cult or something."
Butt-head smacked him. "They're robots, dumb-ass."
The duo went to another area where they wouldn't be seen. Those robots were bigger than they were. Peering through pastel-colored bushes, they saw Adam and Adora standing there talking.
"Hey, it's that chick and her brother," said Butt-head. "Check out those cool swords."
"That's perverted, Butt-head."
Butt-head elbowed him. They watched as the twins lifted their swords and magic came out of them. "Whoa...this rules," whispered Butt-head as a tiger became a huger tiger and a horse became a flying unicorn.
"Hehehe...maybe that's why he gets some. He's like, got that sword, and a huge tiger."
"Check out that chick She-Ra," said Butt-head. "She looks better than she did when she had that shorter hair and stuff."
"I kinda look like that dude," said Beavis.
"You do not, butt-monkey," retorted Butt-head. "And I heard them mention The Evil Whore. Maybe that chick will give us some."
"Yeah, yeah, cool!!" exclaimed Beavis, getting hyper again. His hands clenched into fists, and his body shook. "We'll find this evil whore...and...and she'll like...let us do her...and...."
"You dork, we'll need money! We gotta, like, find some," said Butt-head.
So the two idiots began wandering around until they came upon a village. "Where are we gonna find money in this little hick town?" Beavis grumbled.
"I want to find that whore first and see how much she wants," said Butt-head.
Suddenly, the two were grabbed by a couple of robots. "Let me go, ass-wipe!" Butt-head yelled.
"You butt-munch!" shrieked Beavis.
"You two will be seeing Hordak soon," said one of the robots.
Beavis and Butt-head were sitting in some kind of interrogation room in a place called the Fright Zone. "Fright Zone. Cool name," Beavis had commented.
Now they were facing some dude called Hordak. "Hey, Butt-head, I think this guy, like, took too much drugs or steroids or something," Beavis giggled.
"Enough!" roared Hordak. "Who are you two? And you're from Earth, I take it."
"Chill, dude," said Butt-head, who obviously had no idea what kind of trouble they were in. "I'm Butt-head and this moron is Beavis."
"Who you callin' a moron, butt-munch?" demanded Beavis.
Hordak merely watched as the two boys got into a fist fight. After two minutes, he tore them apart and held them up by the scruffs of their necks, and the were still swinging at each other! Beavis' fists were clenched, and he was shaking as he babbled incoherently.
Hordak dropped them on the floor. "Imp--see that these two are thrown into the dungeon!"
"Sure, boss," said the little blue imp.
"Hey, cool, you look like a demon or something," said Beavis as Imp flew between them as they walked towards the dungeons.
"Can we, like, join you? That would rule," said Butt-head. "Huh huh huh."
"Heeheehee," Beavis joined in. He then pulled the back collar of his shirt over his head. "I am the Great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole!" He then went on to babble incoherently. "Are you threatening me?"
Imp shook his head as the two stupid boys followed him. Soon they came to the dungeons. "You're not really gonna lock us up in there, are you? We got nowhere near that evil whore," said Butt-head.
"Yeah--we didn't do anything! We're outta here," agreed Beavis.
Imp tried to chase them, but Beavis and Butt-head did not want to be in jail, and they were out of there. "I think we lost that bunghole," panted Beavis as they stopped and took five in a corridor.
Suddenly, a couple of Horde robot troopers were headed their way, and between them was a man with light red hair and a red cape. "This one will be put away for quite a while," said one of the robots. "This is Bow, that archer."
"Cool. They got one of the Duke boys. I think we should, like, bust him out of there, huh huh. He might be able to tell us where to find chicks and stuff," said Butt-head.
"How do you know he's one of the Duke boys?"
"'Cause they said that's Bo, dumb-ass." Butt-head smacked Beavis across the face, back-handed. "Wonder if Luke is here, too?"
"Oh, yeah, right, hee hee hee. Let's like, go free him, and like, make him tell us where to find chicks."
"Maybe Hordak is Boss Hogg in disguise, huh huh huh." Butt-head thought that was clever.
The two went up to the cell where Bow was sitting. "Who are you?" he asked.
"Like, um, Beavis and Butt-head at your service," said Beavis. "But only if you tell us where to find chicks."
"Push that button next to the door," said Bow.
"Huhhuhhuh...push that button," smirked Butt-head.
Beavis pushed the button, and the door opened. "Hey, Bow, where can we find girls?" asked Butt-head. "That was, like, the deal."
"Why don't I just get you two out of here?" suggested Bow.
Just then, He-Man and She-Ra came down the corridor and stood before Bow and Beavis and Butt-head. "Whoa--we are about to enter the promised land," said Butt-head.
Beavis just stood there giggling, staring at She-Ra's outfit.
"Let's get cracking! Out of here," said He-Man.
"Beavis...he said crack," chuckled Butt-head.
As soon as the group was out of the Fright Zone, Beavis and Butt-head stood there, just staring at She-Ra. The others were beginning to think they should have left those morons there.
"Hey, bebbe, wanna go to bed with me?" asked Butt-head, putting an arm around her shoulders.
She-Ra swung her arm backwards and knocked him about fifty yards away. Beavis started laughing hysterically. He-Man took Beavis by the scruff of the neck. "I think it's time to send these two home," he said.
He-Man and She-Ra each took one of the boys and drop-kicked them so hard, they wound up back on Earth, on the couch in their home.
"That ruled," said Butt-head.
"That chick was strong," Beavis agreed.